The realization that he is
white in a black country,
and respected for it,
is the turning point
in the expatriate's career.
He can either forget it,
or capitalize on it.
Most choose the latter.
...Paul Theroux

Tarzan Is an Expatriate.
.....Paul Theroux

At the 1960 independence ceremony,
Lumumba seized the microphone
to tell Belgium's King Baudouin that
"from today, we are no longer your monkeys."
.....Patrice Emergy Lumumba

We are still their monkeys. (2008)
...Togane

They were all aid experts,
and they ranged
from self-less idealists
to the laziest boondogglers
cashing in on a crisis.

Charities and aid programs seemed
to turn African problems
into permanent conditions
that were bigger and messier.

Only Africans were capable of making
a difference in Africa.
All the others, donors and volunteers and bankers,
however idealistic,
were simply agents of subversion.

. . . I despaired at the very sight of aid workers . . .
.....Paul Theroux

Aid is not help. . . aid does not work.
...Graham Hancock

Aid projects are an end in themselves.
. . . Michael Maren

Later I questioned Grigler
[the American Ambassador to Somalia]:
"Then aid to Somalia, as you saw it, had nothing to do with development?"
"Shit no. Aid is not development;it doesn't do diddley-squat."
. . . Michael Maren

Let us remember
that the main purpose of aid
is not to help other nations
but to help ourselves.
.....Nixon alias Tricky Dick

Why is it that every US dollar comes with twenty Americans attached to it?
-----An African refugee



. . . Food aid had methodically undermined Somalia's civil society. . . .
....Michael Maren

Our natural generosity seems to have been perverted.
......Senator Patrick Leahy

Only the poor
Only the powerless
Have the hips
You can hop on
Like a horse
And ride till kingdom come!
....Somali saying

O Lord, may the misery and the mayhem and the mess in Mog
multiply and meander
till I am done building my posh seaside villa in Sydney.
.....The prayer of an Aussie aid worker overheard at the Nairobi Norfolk Hotel bar

Two things are impossible to see:
the eye of the ant
and the perfidy and the mischief
and the guile and the wile
of the alien honky Kaffir infidel enemy.
......Hawa Isse Alasow

Come Weal
Come Woe
My Status is
the Quo in Mog.
---The Mantra of the UN officials
& aid workers for Somalia
living the Tarzan life in Nairobi
living high on the hog in Nairobi and of
the Kaffirs with Kalashnikovs in Mog.



I



It was

TGIF

Thank God it's Friday

The expats went

To drink

To usher in the carefree African weekend

They didn't care how much they drank

Thank God none of them had to go outside

Into that African Nairobi Evil night

Into that African Nairobbery Evil night

Where Evil black boongs

With bolos

With machetes stood sentinel

Where red-eyed cannibals

Where criminal Calibans

Where big black bogeymen brutes bloomed

Like the bougainvillaea

Like the flowers from the African flame tree

Like the flambouyant peacock flowers

Like the purple blossoms of the Nairobi Jacaranda trees

That carpet certain sunny corners in Nairobi

All of them were expat aid workers for Somalia

Ostensibly

Working in Nairobi Kenya

For the poor

For the benighted of Somalia

Ostensibly

Aiding

Comforting

Somalis in Somalia

While living it up in Nairobi Kenya

While boozing in Nairobi Kenya

While partying in Nairobi Kenya

While carousing in Nairobi Kenya

While cavorting in Nairobi Kenya

While whoring in Nairobi Kenya

While on permanent pussy patrol in Nairobi Kenya

While on permanent benders in Nairobi Kenya

Because Mogadishu was

Ostensibly

Too mad

Ostensibly

Too dangerous

For memsahib

For Jane

For Bwana

For Tarzan

For the Tarzan Yell

For the game of me-Tarzan-you-Jane

They were all staying for the night

In the hotel

In the Norfolk Hotel

Down town Nairobi Kenya

Johnny the American from Louisiana ordered a round

Roaring

Yelling the Tarzan Yell:

"Laissez les bons temps rouler!"

Le the good times roll

In truth Ruth

His main Aussie squeeze

Realized

That she was drinking too much in Africa

Ostensibly working for the poor in Somalia

You know

The devil finds work for idle hands to do

So she made a conscious decision to control her intake tonight

So she decided to stick to only wine

She wrote last night bragging to her friends Down Under:

"O how bliss it is this dawn

To be alive

To be white on this Dark Continent

O how bliss it is

To be

So right

So white

So witty

On this Dark Continent

O how pleasant it is to be white & right

O how wonderful are the warp & the woof of hope & joy!

But to be young and white and witty and blond and Aussie and twenty-one and in Africa is very heaven!

White Aussies of the world unite!

Come to this Dark Continent

Come all you kangroos to Kikuyu Kenya

Karibu!

Come to safari Kenya

Where the best is like the worst

Where there ar'n't no Ten Commandments an' a wench can raise a thirst

For Kenya Karibu is calling you

It is here you should be

By the beach in Mombasa

Noshing on samosa

Looking lazy at the sea

Come as you are

This is where it is at

This is where it is happening for honkies with Anglo-Saxon attitudes

Laden with the white man's burden

Indeed Indio Bwana!

Without even a BA

But don't you dare forget

I am white

I am an avid autodidact too

I am making a killing in Kikuyu Kenya

I am making money hand over fist

I am making $20, 000 (American not bloody Aussie dollars) a month

Ostensibly

Aiding

Comforting

The poor

The benighted

The blighted

The broken-hearted

In black bleak bad brutal silly-billy Somalia

While actually

Only aiding

Only abetting

Only comforting

My Yankee Simba Bwana Bubba Boss

While actually

Only playing

Patty-cake patty-cake

Roll me

Pat me

Bake me

As furious as you can

Put it in my oven

And keep hitting home runs till I cry

¡Ya basta!

While actually only playing Jane to his Tarzan

While actually only doing what I call the monkey-drill-swing with my Tarzan

While actually only milking his monkey milk and chugalugging it day & night."



II



Before long Ruth got tired of the solicitous hovering of Cheetah

That is what the expats called their favourite Kenyan waiter

She began to order her wine by the bottle

she was drinking her favorite wine

Chateauneuf du pape

Before long Ruth forgot about the priest called

"Vinus Veritus"

Before long Ruth forgot that

"In vino veritas"

That there's truth in wine

Her cup ran over

In her cups

Her boobs bubbling

About to pour out of their cups

Ruth began to pray for all to hear

The sincerest prayer

That she had ever prayed in her life:

"O Lord make the messy misery in Somalia meander

Till the Mogadishu mess mounts to an everlasting impossible mountains of messes

O Lord if you can't do that for me

At the very least make

that Somali big black bog

That woebegone Mog

That morass mess of Mog misery last till I finish building

My palace

My Xanadu

My dome of pleasure by the Sydney sunny sea

My sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!

My miracle of rare device

Enfolding lush sunny spots of greenery

Amidst forests ancient as the Aussie frigging boongs

Yes!

My sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!

That sunny dome!

Those caves of ice!

'Tis a holy consummation devoutly to be wished

I can just close my eyes

Right now

Right here

In cuckoo Kaffir Kwaheri Kenya

And see myself

In my Xanadu

By the Sydney sunny sea

Feeding on honey-dew

And sipping

My chateauneuf du pape

My milk of Paradise

Petting

Pampering

My Abyssinian cat

All the while being pampered

All the while being served by

My Abyssinian maid

My damsel without her dulcimer

Who meows memsahib every time I crook the finger

O Lord multiply the Mogadishu madness

Make the Mogadishu miserable mad mess merry-go-round

Go on

And on

For ever

Until

Every Somali coon

Every Somali Kaffir

With or without

Kalashnikov

Keels over

Kicks the bucket

Kaput!

O Lord make into every Somali ninny

Into what he admires most:

NIN BELAYA

A Duke of Disaster

A Duke of Donkeydom

A warlord

A warmonger waging war

Ad infinitum

Ad absurdum

Unleashing upon his own kind

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Death

Famine

Pestilence

War.



III



The Good Lord answered the Aussie aid worker's prayer

And then some

And now her nubile twentysomething twins are in Nairobi Kenya

Plying the tricks of their trade with a new twist or two

Playing Janes to their very own Tarzans

Just like mummy used to

And all of us Somali monkeys

Who are nothing but Cheetahs are jumping up & down

Like the Cheetahs we are

Like the chimpanzees we are

Like the monkeys we are

And all of us Somali monkeys are cheering on Tarzan & Jane

Like the Cheetahs we are

Like the monkeys we are

Always shrieking for more bananas

From Bwana

From Tarzan

From memsahib

From Jane.


......... Mahmud Siad Togane

Jowhar traders committee chairman quits his title after squabble (Read more) SMC-14-May-2008

The Ethiopian troops should first pullout from Somalia (Read more) SMC-14-May-2008

People died in crossfire at Kismayu town in the Juba region (Read more) SMC-14-May-2008

Ethiopian troops in military maneuvers in Baladweyn town (Read more) SMC-13-May-2008

50 diarrhea patients admitted at Bandir general hospital (Read more) SMC-13-May-2008

Bakara Market community appealed the TFG government (Read more) SMC-12-May-2008

One person died in clan Vendetta grounds in the middle Shabelle region in Somalia (Read more) SMC-12-May-2008

Illegal roadblocks intensively increasing in Kismayu Town (Read more) SMC-12-May-2008

Baladweyn residents show concern over the Ethiopian troops (Read more) SMC-12-May-2008

The spring rains observed in Galgadud region in central Somalia (Read more) SMC-11-May-2008

The commander of the lower Shabelle region says they would confront (Read more) SMC-11-May-2008

Ethiopian troops entered inside Baladweyn town in central Somalia overnight (Read more) SMC-11-May-2008

Mohamed Hassan Haad: says, “We don’t think much would be achieved” (Read more) SMC-11-May-2008

A court Jude resigns in Hiran region in central Somalia (Read more) SMC-11-May-2008

The place where deadly combat occurred yesterday is tranquil today (Read more) SMC-10-May-2008

Severe drought in some parts of Bakool region in southern Somalia (Read more) SMC-10-May-2008

Somaliweyn Media Center (SMC)
Muqdisho Somalia

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